Finally! A Diet Soda Just For Guys – Dr. Pepper Ten

As a modern man, I consider myself open to all things once deemed solely for the female of the species. Activities such as plucking one’s eyebrows, cooking food with expensive cutlery, and of course, watching television shows wherein wealthy housewives behave badly. Ah yes, the modern man finds himself deeply entrenched in areas of life that were once deemed solely for the fairer sex. Alas, the one thing that eluded modern man was a diet soda to call his own.

Finally, the heavens parted and Dr. Pepper came to the rescue of weary men with Dr. Pepper Ten, which declares flatly “It’s not for women.” This new beverage could not be more appropriate considering the unbending requirements I desire from my soda: low in calories and for men only. I need my soda choice to exude masculinity, sensuality, and testosterone (if testosterone is an active ingredient, even better) and Dr. Pepper Ten fits the bill. This product frees men from the shackles of pretending to enjoy other unisex diet sodas. Finally the pretense can be dropped, and my years of swilling full-bodied soft drinks, just to keep up a manly appearance, can be placed behind me.

Not only does Dr. Pepper Ten offer men the low-cal soda option they’ve been clamoring for, it proclaims this particular diet soda as incompatible with XX chromosomes (the He-Man Woman Haters Club of The Little Rascals would be proud) I want my soda to stand behind a velvet rope guarded by the shroud of gender bias; I want my soda to allow less women to enjoy it than Augusta National golf course. Dr. Pepper Ten creates that manly aura I so desperately seek, yet keeps my figure svelte. Look out retailers for a stampede of thirsty men breaking down your doors to get at this wonder-drink very, very soon.

Matthew Moretti is a Project Manager at Mom Central Consulting and only takes his tongue out of his cheek long enough to devour his daily requirement of pop culture.

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