Technology and safety with your tween and teen

When it comes to your tween or teen and technology, it’s important use extreme vigilance. I see what my 13-year old daughter is up to with the texting, emailing (which apparently is nerdy now) and Facebooking, and I’m appalled at the things that come out of their friends’ mouths. Do their parents read this stuff? Are they aware of the language these kids are using? If they aren’t, would they permit it? I find myself answering these questions as read my daughter’s emails, texts, and Facebook messages.

My advice: monitor your child’s online usage

That’s right. I said it. I read EVERYTHING. It’s not that I don’t trust her, but the Internet and text messaging has opened up a whole new world of trouble for kids if they are looking for it. Even if they aren’t, their friends could be. Sure text messages may be akin to passing notes in the hall like I did in junior high, but after 3 pm, there was no more note passing. With texting the note passing can (and probably does) go on all night if you aren’t paying attention. I found this out the hard way.

Don’t get me wrong, I text, use Facebook daily and am playing around on the computer and my phone way more than I’m willing to admit. So I know all about technology addiction. This could be why I’m more aware of what is going on with my daughter and I make sure to randomly check texts, emails and Facebook – but I feel that I am in the minority. My advice to parents who have recently given their child a cell phone with texting privileges and new teens who are now allowed to engage on Facebook, is this:

• Pay attention to your child’s usage. Encourage them to read a book if they have spent an hour on the computer IMing their friends.
• If they have Facebook, make sure you are their “friend.” Better yet, make sure you have their password.
• If the texting seems extreme, make sure to randomly check in on who they are talking to and what they are talking about. There are providers that offer a parental restriction add-on for a low monthly cost . My carrier, AT&T, offers this for $5/mo. I can place time and text limit restrictions and change them on my online account whenever I want. At 8 pm, the phone shuts off except for calls from my numbers.
• Give them a text limit. If they go over, they have to pay for it themselves. OR
• Set the limit yourself. When their 50 texts are up for the day, they are out of luck. Tell them to use their texts wisely. They may actually be tempted to cut down on the amount of texts that only say LOL or OMG

Last but not least, nothing replaces family time. It brings your teen back into the fold and even though they won’t tell you, reminds them that they are loved. Lately I’ve had my daughter make soups from scratch, help me stuff, stamp and seal our holiday cards and we’ve read the paper together . Sometimes, “making” them do these mundane things is the best way to parent.

Erica Gatlin is VP, Client Strategy with Mom Central Consulting. She’s also a wife and a mother of a teen and an infant daughter. Connect with Erica at Erica@momcentral.com and follow her on Twitter @erica7227.

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